I was diagnosed with anxiety 10 years ago when I began to have panic attacks around exam period at school. If you have never an experienced a panic attack before, it can basically feel as though you are about to die, and this is no exaggeration; your heart rate increases, you can begin to tremble or shake and sometimes you feel as though you can’t breathe, and have to gasp for air.
Nobody understands, nobody knows the sufferings, this physical feeling.
It can’t be anxiety. Or can it?
Can it in fact be the mind controlling the body?
I have more recently been diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder, which is when you feel a “heightened state of anxiety” for a prolonged period of time (over six months). It really does feel as though you are alone in your suffering, and as though no one understands the physical effects a mental illness can have.
I am unhappy
Not with life
But with this feeling.
Suffering with mental illness for a such a long time is hard work, and every day is a struggle. Anxiety for me can be debilitating; it stops me from driving, it stops me from socialising and sometimes it can stop me from going to work or leaving the house at all. Having said this, the days where you push through and overcome your anxiety can be the most rewarding, even if you did only go to buy milk.
I am an adult who recognises grown ups don’t really know shit
And they never did
And that scares me.
Because now I’m just a grown up who doesn’t know shit.
I’ve found that even in the last ten years people’s attitudes towards mental health have changed, with those in the public eye beginning to raise awareness by revealing their own struggles. The quotes in this post are from Logic’s new song, Anziety.