I spend a lot of time wondering if I am keeping myself busy enough; whether I am optimising my time and using it to it’s full potential, and if I am doing as much as my peers. I feel that there is a pressure in today’s society to have both a busy social and working life, and as a self-conscious 25 year old I feel this pressure possibly more than I should.
I’m a fully fledged adult now; I should have a well-established group of friends to turn to in times of need. I shouldn’t necessarily be going out as much as I did when I was a student, but I should still enjoy going to a bar and meeting new people. Or going to a gig, a wedding or away for the weekend with friends.
Along side this active social life, I feel society dictates that I should have a full-time job working five days a week, earning a fairly substantial income (to help save for the upcoming mortgage that I will be expected to take out).
In addition to a busy working and social life, I feel I should also be ‘comfortable’ in my own company, and need to spend a decent amount of time alone, doing the things I enjoy. Add in some time working out ‘who I am’ and ‘getting to know myself’, of course this is what your twenties are for aren’t they? And I think that about sums it up.
Needless to say I think a lot about the opinion of others and what society expects us to do, and feel as though I am not doing enough to fulfil this. Clearly I don’t fulfil all the ‘requirements of society’ that I impose upon myself; shouldn’t I be busy and making the most of my twenties?
Well, it’s fucking hard to be busy; holding down a full time job and an active social life with anxiety and depression is not easy. You try to maintain all of your friendships, however, cancelling plans on the same friends repeatedly will have an effect on your friendships, whether the individual says they understand mental health or not. So the social life diminishes, and you focus on attending work and giving that your all, however this too can become too much of a struggle sometimes.
Does anyone else feel the need to fill their days with productivity, and feel guilty for taking some time doing nothing?